


new beginnings

by pillowcreek, whoopsiedaisiedoo



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2018-11-16 10:25:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11251227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pillowcreek/pseuds/pillowcreek, https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoopsiedaisiedoo/pseuds/whoopsiedaisiedoo
Summary: Lovelace needs an apartment, Eiffel and Minkowski need a roommate, and Minkowski and Lovelace didn't realize they needed something more.





	1. Chapter 1

Lovelace has looked at every local Craigslist three times today. There are no available apartments around town, and unless she's willing to stoop to sleeping on Hilbert’s couch, she's going to have to get creative. And she's not desperate enough to even step foot in his apartment. Really, she’d be okay with never stepping foot in the same room again. But sometimes life hands you creepy coworkers and you have to figure out why, exactly, they give you the heebie jeebies, and more importantly, how to help Fourier and Hui pull the best office pranks on said creepy coworker.

“Cheer up!” Lambert called from the kitchen. “I can practically hear you sulking.”

“I'm not sulking,” Lovelace hollered back, shutting her laptop and giving up on the apartment search for now. “I'm trying to find an apartment that I can afford to live in, process that my best friend is leaving, and,” she grinned, ”figure out how I’m going to get you to your goodbye party.”

Lambert suddenly appeared in her field of vision. “Goodbye party! We said no goodbye parties you agreed-”

“No, you said no goodbye party. Everyone else nodded and agreed with you and then planned one behind your back. I got tasked with making sure your ass actually makes it to the party. Go put on a nice shirt. We’re leaving in half an hour to get drunk and celebrate your new job and tell stories, horrible stories about you.”

Lambert stared for a moment.

“There are no horrible stories about me,” he pointed out nasally before huffing off to his bedroom. Lovelace grinned at his back.

* * *

Minkowski got home from work to find Eiffel sitting on the sofa, cheeks tearstained and eyes wide. Hera sat next to him, holding his hand and whispering to him in a soothing tone. Minkowski braced herself for whatever nonsense she was about to have to deal with: did McDonald’s run out of chicken nuggets or something?

Eiffel let out the most inhuman shriek when he noticed her standing in the doorway and attempted to hide behind Hera. His girlfriend rolled her eyes and shoved him back into a sitting position. “Oh just get it over with. It’ll only be worse if you hold it in.”

“What did you do this time, Eiffel?” Minkowski asked.

“What makes you think I did something? Hera didn’t say what’s wrong. For all you know I could be really, really sick, dying even, and you’ve just assumed that I’ve done something horrible and what if those were your last words to me, huh Minkowski? What then?” Eiffel said, his voice rising and getting more high pitched as he went.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because you look like you’re about five minutes away from climbing out the window.” She looked over at Hera. “Hera?”

“Don’t look at me. He needs to handle this one himself.”

“Hera…” Eiffel whined.

“No. I’m here purely for moral support.”

“Okay seriously, what is going on?” It had to be something really bad. If it was just that he hadn’t cleaned the washroom again he wouldn’t be this upset. Hell, he probably wouldn’t even be telling her this. Was it the rent money again? But he wouldn’t need moral support to tell her that, and it certainly wouldn’t reduce him to tears.

Hera gave Eiffel a stern look. He shifted on the couch and took a deep breath. “I may have… gotten fired.”

“You what?!”

“Scratch that. I did get fired.” Eiffel said. “And now I can’t pay the rent. Or at least, not all of it. I’ll get a new job soon though and-”

Minkowski cut him off. “What did you do?” Eiffel wasn’t exactly the best employee, but she thought that he was good at his job. He was friendly and good at talking to people. Was it his hygeine? It had to have been his hygeine.

“There might have been a very, very small, exceptionally tiny… fire.” His voice was barely more than a whisper on this last word.

“...Please tell me that you didn’t burn down a Subway.”

“I didn’t! I only burned down the service counter.”

“Eiffel!”

“It wasn’t my fault, I swear,” he said quickly.

“Oh really? So what happened then? Did someone come in, light the counter on fire, and then hand you the lighter?”

“Not… exactly.”

“Eiffel.”

There was a long pause before he answered. “Jacobi bet me that I couldn’t fit sixty subs into the oven.”

“And you took him up on that offer?!” Of course he did. This was Eiffel they were talking about.

“No. I proved to him that I could,” Eiffel said pointedly. “And then the bread caught on fire.”

“Okay, but those ovens have fire containment systems. How the hell did you get it to spread to the counter?”

“Well, I figured that I could stop the fire while it was small. So I reached in to grab the tray and… My oven mitt caught on fire.”

“Eiffel!” Minkowski wasn’t sure whether to be angry at him for his incredible amount of stupidity or concerned about whether or not he burned his hand off.

Eiffel seemed to pick up on this and quickly reassured her. “Don’t worry, I took it off right away. Of course, when I say took it off, I mean I ripped it off and threw it at the counter. Which then caught fire.”

Minkowski buried her face in her hands. “And then?”

“And then we had to evacuate the building and I got fired.”

She sinked down onto the couch next to him. “So what do we do now?”

“I guess we have to find a new roommate?”

They both looked over at Hera. She immediately put her hands up in a defensive position. “Don’t look at me! My parents would kill me if I moved in with Eiffel.”

Minkowski groaned and buried her face in her hands. “Fuck… What do we do now?”

“Speaking from experience, I recommend getting wasted,” Eiffel said.

* * *

All things considered, Lovelace was pretty pleased with the impromptu farewell party. Lambert hadn’t given them much warning that he was leaving, so they'd had to put it together quickly.

Still, it had been good. They'd told some embarrassing stories, had more than a few drinks, and Fourier and Hui were eyeing the karaoke machine with the kind of seriousness that only tipsy people look at karaoke machines with.

She scanned the room, looking for Lambert and idly wondering if he was drunk enough to consider karaoke. She finally finds him at the bar, talking to himself. Lovelace looked back down at her glass, and rubs her eyes before looking again. Yup. Still two Lamberts. Well, one Lambert, but the guy next to him was Lambert’s slightly taller long lost cousin or….something. She frowned at her drink again. Exactly how many refills had she gotten?

She looked back up to see Lambert dragging his new friend over.

“Isabel! This is my dop-doppelganger, Paris! Paris?”

“Eiffel,” his new friend corrected morosely.

“Eiffel!” Lambert exclaimed, draping his around his new friend’s neck, and began to extol the virtues of their newfound brotherhood. Eiffel looked abjectly miserable. Lovelace interrupted Lambert’s rambling to ask Eiffel if he was alright.

“Lost my job today,” he mumbled.

“He lost his job,” Lambert said in a conspiratorial whisper. “We’re celebrating his newfound freedom.”

Eiffel looked even more miserable, if such a thing was possible.

“Do you, uh, do you need a drink?” Lovelace asked. He shook his head.

“I’m designated driver,” he said, holding up a glass of water.

“I see a karaoke machine!” Lambert interrupted loudly, spotting Fourier and Hui dragging the speakers across the room. “Karaoke! P-Eiffel! Let’s do karaoke!” His eyes narrowed and he swayed slightly as he pointed at Lovelace. “And then you’re getting up there with me too. You promised.”

Lovelace promised that she’d sing one song with Lambert, and was tempted to intervene and save Eiffel from the no-doubt embarrassing event to come, but he seemed to actually perk up at thought of karaoke. She watched as Lambert dragged Eiffel off to pick a song, shrugged, and turned to go find find Fisher and Corey.

Two beers later and twenty minutes later, Lambert and Eiffel had finally managed to settle on a song. Isabel settled herself in front of the stage for their rendition of ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’. She momentarily wished for another beer; Lambert was tone deaf even sober.

“Eiffel! What the hell!” Eiffel looked guilty as a tall blonde woman, hands on her hips, glowered up at him. “You can’t sing, you moron!” She looked like she was debating scolding him again, but instead chose to flop in a chair beside Lovelace.

“I’m gonna need another beer if I’m going to put up with his singing,” she grumbled. “Do you need a beer?” She asked Lovelace. “I feel like I should get you a beer if you have to listen to my friend sing.”

“Nah.” Lovelace gestured up at the stage. “The other one is with me. He can’t sing either.”

“Huh.” She peered up at them. “They really do look a lot alike, don’t they?”

“It is kind of strange,” Lovelace agreed. They both watched the stage for a moment.

“Renée Minkowski,” the woman introduced herself, holding out a hand to shake.

“Isabel Lovelace,” she replied, taking the woman’s hand. “My very drunk friend up there is Sam Lambert, and your friend’s name is...Eiffel, right?”

“Doug Eiffel, certified moron,” Minkowski replied, and Isabel chuckled. “He lost his job today,” she continued, “and do you know how he lost his job? He burnt down his job. Because of a dare. He just….set it on fire.”

“Huh,” Lovelace said hesitantly. “He makes my moron sound manageable.”

Minkowski nodded vigorously.

“He makes everyone seem manageable.” She was silent for a moment as they watched them continue to struggle setting up the karaoke machine. “I mean, he’s my best friend, but what a walking disaster, and now we have to find a new roommate because he lost his job, and he keeps insisting on buying dinosaur chicken nuggets even though they’re more expensive than the regular ones, and last week he locked himself on the balcony for three hours and whined for another three when I let him back in and-” she took a deep breath and then shook her head. “He’s just a mess, yaknow?”

Lovelace considered her options for a moment, and then considered how desperately she needed a place to live.

“He does sound like a disaster.” She paused. “But, um did you say you needed a roommate?”

* * *

It rained the day they moved Lovelace into the apartment. The boxes got all soggy as they carried them into the building, and their clothes were soaked through within the first ten minutes. Lambert had shown up at the beginning to help drive the truck over - Lovelace hadn’t been able to drive the truck due to her prosthetic and neither Eiffel nor Minkowski had wanted to try their luck with the giant machine of death - but he had disappeared almost as soon as he came, muttering an excuse about having to get to work and giving Eiffel a quick embarrassed look. Hera had stuck around the entire day, even though Eiffel kept attempting to be chivalrous and carry the heavier boxes for her; only to drop them on his foot and have Lovelace have to take over for him.

The weather being as uncooperative as it was, the rain had stopped as soon as the last box was unloaded. The four of them collapsed on the sofa and the floor of their living room, Minkowski grabbing beers for herself and Lovelace from the fridge. Hera curled up in Eiffel’s side as she watched the two women clink bottles.

“To new beginnings,” Minkowski said.

“To new beginnings,” Lovelace echoed.


	2. Chapter 2

It took Eiffel about three weeks to get another job. He ended working at the Baskin Robbins across the food court from his old Subway. His old manager was less than pleased, but Jacobi waved at him on his first day. 

He was about an hour into his first shift, just long enough to get truly bored, when he finally had a customer.

“Sambert!” Eiffel exclaimed. 

Sam Lambert looked up and you could see the  _ oh shit it's that guy I did karaoke with while drunk _ flash across his face before he waved meekly. 

“Hi, uh, Eiffel,” he replied. 

Lovelace suddenly appeared behind Lambert. “Eiffel!” she said. “Minkowski said you'd probably be bored already so we decided to come visit.”

“I'm not b-” Lovelace continued to talk over him.

“And Lambert wanted to meet his doppelgänger again.” Lambert had an expression on his face that said he had definitely thought they were just getting ice cream. 

“Well,” Eiffel gestured to the ice cream bar. “Welcome to the funhouse, kids. What can I get you?” 

Lambert peered at the bar, weighing his options. “Butter pecan, please.” 

“One scoop of butter pecan, coming right up!” He sniggered. “Butter pecambert for Sam Lambert.” 

Lambert just sighed. 

* * *

When Lovelace had moved in with Eiffel and Minkowski, she wasn’t aware that they came with a Hera. 

A very loud, spirited, takes-no-shit-from-anyone Hera. 

Lovelace loved her. 

She was exactly the kind of person that she loved to spend her time with. Spunky and willing to talk back to anyone who dared to cross her or her friends. She wasn’t as uptight as Minkowski, which meant that they could get up to more shenanigans together, but she also wasn’t frightened as easily as Eiffel was. 

She was exactly the type of person that Lovelace wanted to have on her side in a bar fight. Though she suspected that Eiffel and Minkowski would take turns murdering her if she ever dragged Hera into a bar fight. Hera probably wouldn’t mind that much though. She’d probably be eager to jump in. Or at least more eager than Lambert had been. 

In fact, Lovelace had yet to find a downside to Hera’s existence. She made Eiffel happy, she kept him (slightly) quieter when she was around, and he was often over at her place, leaving the apartment in a peaceful state of existence as he was out of hers and Minkowski’s hair for a few hours. 

That was the state that the apartment was in when she got home from work after a long, long Wednesday. Hilbert had spent the entire day being unfriendly towards the customers and it didn’t matter what she tried, she just could not get him to smile at a single one of them. Not even a half smile. A quarter smile. Meanwhile, Fourier and Hui had been half an hour late for their shift because their car broke down, leaving Lovelace and Fisher to work twice as hard covering for them. 

Party City? More like Misery City. 

It was an understatement to say that she was relieved to see that Eiffel wasn’t at home when she got back. She was looking forward to just making herself some pasta and veggies and crashing in front of some good ol’ Netflix for the next seven hours, thank you very much. She considered asking Minkowski if she’d like some of the veggies, but she could hear the shower running from the bathroom and decided to wait. 

Lovelace was about halfway through boiling the water for the pasta when she heard the shower switch off. The bathroom door opened a minute later and she turned to catch Minkowski before she disappeared into her room. The thought that she had finished changing awfully quick didn’t cross her mind. 

“Hey Minkowski, I’m making a bunch of vegs, do you want-“ Her question trailed off when she noticed exactly what Minkowski was wearing. 

Or rather, what she wasn’t wearing. 

It was just a towel. 

“Oh, um, sorry, I didn’t know that you were-” Lovelace stuttered out. 

“I wasn’t aware that you were home,” Minkowski said sharply, her face turning red. 

“Yeah, I just got back from work a few minutes ago. You were in the shower, so I just started making some dinner.” She tried to look anywhere but at the other woman. 

“I’m going to go get dressed now,” Minkowski said quickly, before darting into her room. 

She emerged a few minutes later, dressed in jeans and a hoodie, her wet hair braided to one side. Her face had mostly returned to its normal colour, though her ears were still quite pink. Lovelace decided not to comment on that, and instead acted as though their previous exchange had never happened. “So, do you want some vegetables? I was thinking of throwing them into my sauce, but I don’t have enough sauce for two people and I need to eat them up before they go bad.” 

“Yeah, uh, sure. Thanks.” Minkowski stood stiffly in the kitchen doorway, eyes fixed firmly on the ceiling. 

Lovelace did not comment on it. “I’ve got lots of zucchini if you’re in the mood for that. Not too much red pepper though, so you’re out of luck on that one. I’m still not sure what to do with the broccoli though. I mean, it doesn’t really go well with tomato sauce, does it?” 

“You could always just eat it raw.” 

“Mm, I suppose so, but raw veggies as a side to spaghetti just sounds weird.” 

Minkowski shrugged. “Baked broccoli? It's a good side dish.” 

Lovelace nodded in agreement and they both set about making dinner. 

It was nice. Lovelace couldn't recall the last time she'd cooked with someone, and they danced around each other in the tiny kitchen, passing spices back and forth. 

Minkowski set the table, popping open a bottle of wine and jokingly lighting a candle. 

“Eiffel would never settle for a nice dinner. I've got to take advantage of the opportunity I've got.” 

Two bottles of wine, an hour and a half later, and they were busy swapping stories and howling with laughter. 

Minkowski wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to finish her story. “And then- then he goes up to the cash register and he says-” she burst out laughing again, unable to finish her sentence. 

Lovelace, overtaken at the sound of Minkowski’s laughter, shook with laughter to the point of falling out of the chair right on her ass. 

She and Minkowski paused for a second before laughing again. 

“I can't- I fell- the cash register-” Lovelace wheezed. Minkowski laughed harder before pushing back her chair and reaching a hand down to Lovelace. She pulled her up and they were suddenly standing close. Really close. 

The alcohol in her system was now causing a different kind of buzz and Minkowski was right there and they looked at each other and-

The door burst open as Eiffel announced his presence. 

“Honey, I'm home!” He dropped his bag in the doorway and made his way to the kitchen. 

“You guys had a  _ fancy dinner _ ?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hit us up on tumblr @whoopsiedaisiedoo and @pillowcreeks for more gay nerdery


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Lovelace threw open the door to Lambert's apartment.

“Lambert I need to talk to you about Minkowski she’s cute-”

“No.”

“But-” 

“No.” Lambert didn't even look up from his book.

“I just want to talk some stuff over-”

“No.” 

He very carefully marked his place in his book before continuing to speak. 

“Last time you wanted advice about a girl I ended up involved in your complicated scheme to impress her-” he took a breath- “which was bad enough considering I'm aro and also  _ I don't like romance  _ but your complicated scheme also backfired horribly and was incredibly embarrassing. So no.” 

Lovelace flopped on the couch beside him. “You've got to let that go.” She waved her hand. “It was a long time ago.” 

“I bear the scars deep in my soul,” Lambert grumbled nasally.

* * *

After dinner, Lambert tentatively brought Minkowski back up.

“So,” he sighed. “Tell me about Minkowski.” 

Lovelace pulled a face. 

“She’s very… she’s a very driven woman? And smart, and attractive and… I don’t know?”

Lambert grumbled.

“All I hear is blah blah blah I’m Isabel Lovelace I’m gay I’m gay I’m super gay! Gayyyyy I have a gay crush on my roommate and I’m gay!” 

“I have rainbows coming out of my ass,” Lovelace deadpanned. 

“She just blaha blaha Lovelace you’re gay gayyyy gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy that’s gay shit 

gay ! gay! Gay! Gay! Gay! Gay! Gaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygay   


Gggggggaaaaaayyyyyyygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygay”

“Are you going to be helpful or not?”

“According to the Pryce and Carter Conflict Resolution Guide, the best way to effectively communicate-”

“Pryce and Carter can kiss my ass.” 

* * *

Eiffel, Hera, Minkowski, and Lovelace were hanging out in the food court after Eiffel’s shift.

“Alright y’all, this has been real fun but I’ve got to get to work now,” Lovelace said, clapping Eiffel on the leg as she got up. 

“Aw, already?” he asked. 

“Yep. Gotta make money to spend money. You know the drill.” She gave them a wave as she headed off. 

Minkowski watched her until she was out of earshot before she twisted back around quickly to stare at Eiffel and Hera, trying not to look as panicked as she felt. “I need your help.” 

“Whoa chief, what happened?” Minkowski wished that Eiffel would stop with that nickname. It didn’t even make sense. 

“Do you remember coming home the other night and Lovelace and I had been having dinner together?” 

“Yeah, you were all fancy and stuff too,” Eiffel said. “Why?” 

“Well, right before you got in, we kind of… well, we had a bit of moment.” 

Hera raised her eyebrows. “A moment?” 

“Yes, a moment.” 

“What kind of moment?” 

“A… romantic moment? I think?” 

“Whoa! Minkowski, nice!” Eiffel held up his hand for a high five. 

She glared at him and he lowered it. “I don’t know if it was though. Like, what if it was just me thinking that and she just thought it was kind of weird? Or what if she  _ did  _ think that it was romantic but she still thought it was weird?” 

“Well do you want it to have been romantic?” Eiffel asked. 

“I don’t know! I mean, she’s nice? She’s pretty? But I don’t know if I want to date her. How do you know if you want that?” 

“I don’t know, you just… want it! I can’t tell you what to feel.” And with that he turned his attention back to his cheese fries. 

Hera rolled her eyes. “Helpful as always.” 

He shrugged. “I’m crap at romantic advice.” 

And yet somehow he had a girlfriend. “Well how did you know you wanted to date Hera?” 

“I dunno, I just knew.” 

“Are you being unhelpful on purpose?” Minkowski asked. 

Eiffel pouted slightly. “I don’t know how to explain it, okay? I just knew that I wanted to spend all of my time with her and dating her sounded like something that was just great and fun. It was like there was something pulling on my stomach, like a really strong yearning.” 

“Aww!” Hera kissed his cheek, beaming. “That’s so sweet!” 

“I try.” 

“Oh sure, you’ll try with that but not with actually helping me,” Minkowski grumped.

“That was helping you!” Eiffel protested. 

“Barely.” She imitated his voice. “It’s like… A really strong want. You gotta want it dude. You gotta want it bad.” 

Hera burst into laughter while Eiffel looked offended. “I don’t sound like that! Do I? Hera?” 

“Sorry Eiffel… But you kind of do,” she said in between giggles. 

“Well, see if I help anymore then!” he said before cramming half his container of cheese fries into his mouth at once. 

“Eiffel, that’s disgusting,” Minkowski said before turning to Hera. “Thoughts?” 

She shrugged. “I’m sorry Minkowski, but I’m all out of ideas. I just figured a date with Eiffel sounded like fun and then it was a slow and steady decline from there.” 

“Rewhine?” Eiffel said through a mouthful of food, spraying the table with potato.

Hera handed him a napkin. “You just sprayed cheese fries everywhere because you were talking with your mouth full. I think at least some of the romance has been lost.” 

“Can we focus?” Minkowski said. “I’m in the middle of a crisis over here.” 

“Yeah, a gay one,” Eiffel said, thankfully after swallowing his food. 

“Isn’t that where you’re freaking out over being gay?” Hera asked. “Minkowski already knew she was bi so how can it be a gay crisis?” 

“Because it’s gay and it’s a crisis. Therefore it’s a gay crisis. Just like if there was a purple penguin. It’s purple and it’s a penguin. A purple penguin.” 

“Bet you can’t say that ten times fast.” 

“Purplepenguinpurplepenguinpurplepapuinburublebanbinbruppblepinpang-” 

“Guys!” Minkowski stood up, slamming her hands on the table. Eiffel stopped his tongue twister, looking bashful. “Can we please just focus on the issue at hand? Please?” 

“Well I think it comes down to what Eiffel said,” Hera said. “Do you want to date Lovelace? Does the thought of going on a date with her fill your stomach with happy butterflies or are they more angry ones with blades on their wings that are going to cut up your insides for daring to so much as think about dating her it’s so repulsive?” 

Minkowski stared at Hera. “Are you alright?” 

Hera shrugged. “We watched a scary movie last night. It was fun.” 

She shuddered to shake off the imagery of killer butterflies with death wings. “I guess it’s more of the first one? Like, dating her seems fun. And I like being around her. It makes me happy.” 

“Yup, that’s gay,” Eiffel muttered through another mouthful of cheese fries. 

“Definitely gay,” Hera said, nodding slowly. 

Minkowski groaned and buried her head in her arms. Great. She had a crush on her roommate. That was exactly what she needed right now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow us on tumblr for more gaaaayyyyyy @whoopsiedaisiedoo and @pillowcreeks


	4. Chapter 4

Party City was not a party. 

It was days like today, in between organizing stock and dealing with customer complaints and three kids throwing temper tantrums, that Lovelace wondered how she'd ended up working a retail job at all. Ruminating about how she'd ended up at Party City usually didn't improve her mood any. 

Fourier and Hui had taken over working customer complaints, Fisher was in the back organizing stock, and that left Lovelace to-reluctantly- work registers with Selberg.

The door chimed, and Lovelace rubbed her temples where a headache was beginning to form. A familiar voice floated towards the register and Lovelace immediately perked  up.

“Stick to the list, Eiffel. Hera, can you make sure he sticks to the list?” 

* * *

“I don’t get why she’s being so picky about the list,” Eiffel sulked.

“Because if she wasn’t, you would be off buying things we didn’t need. Like water pistols,” Hera said as Eiffel wandered off down the aisle to look at the toy guns. 

“I didn’t say we should buy them. I’m just looking,” he said. 

“Yeah right.” Hera grabbed his arm and started to drag him down the aisle. 

“Wait wait wait!” Eiffel said, pointing to the sign above the pistols. “Look at that!” 

“What about it? It’s just a picture of a water balloon fight. Are you suggesting that we have a water balloon fight at the party? Because I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.” 

“No, look at the kid.” Eiffel pointed to the boy at the front of the poster. He was aiming a water balloon at one of the other children and had the most demonic look on his face. 

“Eugh, he’s creepy.” 

“I know right? Doesn’t he look like a demon? Maybe it’s some sort of satanic summoning ritual. The balloons aren’t filled with water at all but instead deadly toxins that’ll kill the other children and allow him to fulfill his destiny of destroying the world.” 

Hera rolled her eyes and dragged him down the aisle. “You’re weird.” 

Eiffel wrapped an arm around her waist. “Yeah, but you love me anyways.” 

She smiled at that and Eiffel felt his heart swell. Hera was so pretty when she smiled. Hera was so pretty when she was exasperated at him. Hera was just so pretty. 

He gasped. “Maybe that kid was kid Selberg and the ritual backfired and now he’s stuck working for Party City for the rest of his life!” 

Hera rolled her eyes but laughed. “As much as I’d love that to be true, it’s not.” 

“You can’t prove that.” 

“Yes I can. Selberg was clearly a child during the Stone Age.” 

Eiffel laughed. “Man, I love you.” 

Hera smirked. “I know. Now let’s get some balloons. Maxwell really likes green, and I was thinking that it would be funny if we could get some of those balloons shaped like numbers, the kind they use to spell out kids’ ages, but get a whole bunch of ones and zeros to spell out “Happy Birthday” in binary but I don’t know how much that’ll cost and-” 

Eiffel was distracted by a familiar voice just around the corner. “Jacobi, you can’t pick out the streamers based on how  _ flammable _ they are. That poses an unnecessary risk to Maxwell and Hera’s apartment. We’ll get the extra flammable ones for you for your birthday and then it’ll be your own apartment that burns down."

Eiffel yelped and leapt into the basket of balloons that was in the middle of the aisle. 

“Eiffel?” Hera said, confused. “What are you doing?” 

“It’s Kepler!” he hissed back. “I can’t be seen by him!” Their last encounter had been… less than ideal, seeing as it had included Kepler saying that at the very least it was a good thing Baskin Robbins didn’t have any ovens so Eiffel wouldn’t be able to burn down the mall even if he did find another way to doom them all. 

The man wasn’t particularly fond of him. 

* * *

When Kepler turned the corner into the next aisle, he was greeted with the sight of Maxwell’s roommate, Hera, glaring at a basket of balloons and whispering angrily to it.

“Hera?” he said cautiously. “Are you alright?” 

She leapt about a foot in the air before staring at him with wide eyes. “Kepler! Yes, uh, I’m fine. How… are you?” 

“I’m alright. Why are you talking to the balloons?” 

Hera scoffed. “I wasn’t talking to the balloons.”  

Kepler raised his eyebrows. 

“I was just… making sure that they aren’t wimps. You really gotta yell at them, make them fear for their lives. Can’t have any weak balloons at Maxwell’s party, right?” Hera punched the balloons lightly and Kepler could have sworn that he heard a muffled yelp coming from the basket. 

He chose to ignore it. “Right…” he said. 

“I thought you were getting the helium balloons?” Jacobi asked. “You know, the fun ones.” 

“Well, we’ll need other, smaller balloons too. To attach to the streamers and stuff!” Hera still seemed strangely jittery. 

“Are you sure you’re alright, Hera? You’re not hiding anything from us?” Kepler said, slowly approaching her. 

“Of course not! What would I be hiding from you?” 

He glanced at the basket. It  _ looked _ like a normal basket of balloons… “I’m not sure.” 

“Hey Hera, you wanna help us settle an argument?” Jacobi asked. 

“No,” she said without missing a beat. It was probably a smart decision. Even Kepler had to admit that getting in the middle of one of their arguments was unlikely to end well for her. 

“It’s just about streamers,” Jacobi said, as though that were likely to change her mind. 

“That’s worse,” Hera said. “Your arguments over trivial matters are even worse than your arguments over what can be counted as cheating.” 

“Anything with clothes off, that one’s easy,” Jacobi said. 

“You can do stuff with clothes on. The correct answer is flirting,” Kepler snapped back. 

Hera began shuffling nervously away from them and the basket moaned. Kepler glanced at it suspiciously.

“Hera?” A short blonde woman walked towards them. She was followed by a tall, blond man with stubble and a Chinese man with an undercut who was maybe an inch taller than her. “What are you doing here?” 

Hera looked relieved by the interruption. “I’m getting stuff for my roommate’s birthday. What are you doing here?” 

She pointed to the Party City logo on her shirt. “I work here!” 

“No way, that’s awesome! My boyfriend’s roommate works here too. Oh uh, this is Kepler and Jacobi. They’re my roommate’s friends. This is Fourier,” she said to them. 

Jacobi looked offended. “And we’re not your friends?” 

The two women ignored him. “This is Fisher and Hui,” she said. 

“Nice to meet you,” Fisher said, winking at Jacobi. Kepler bristled. 

“Why are there balloons here?” Hui said. “They’re supposed to be in the back.” 

Fourier shrugged. “Rhea must have taken them out this morning.” 

“Lovelace’ll kill us if she sees them.” He took the brakes off and tried to push them down the aisle but could only move the basket about a foot. “What the hell, are there rocks in there?” 

Hui started to rustle through the basket but Hera quickly grabbed his arm. “You’re probably just really weak. Fourier, why don’t you help him?” she said, giving her a desperate look. 

Fourier looked confused but took the other side of the basket. “Alright then…? Come talk to me before you leave, will you?” 

“Totally! Now you’d better get those balloons into the back before Lovelace kills you, a funeral doesn’t sound like a fun idea for you.” Hera was beginning to look even more frenzied. 

Fourier and Hui set off with the basket of balloons, muttering to each other about the weight of it as they went. 

“Are you sure you’re alright, Hera? I’m beginning to think that you hid something in that basket that you don’t want us seeing. Maybe someone?” Kepler suggested. “It’s certainly odd that you’re here without Eiffel.” 

“What, I can’t go anywhere without my boyfriend now? I always knew you were a jackass Kepler, I just didn’t know that you were a  _ sexist  _ jackass. Wow, Maxwell’s really going to be upset about this one, you know how much she hates guys like you. Does she know? How have you been hiding this from her, huh? I bet it must have been real hard not to reveal your true colours before now, but at least it finally happened.” 

Kepler smirked. “So he is in the basket, isn’t he?” 

“I- Fisher’s hand is basically on your boyfriend’s ass, I think you’ve got bigger problems to worry about.” 

“Huh?” Kepler looked over to see that yes, Fisher was in fact flirting with Jacobi and his hand may not have been on his ass quite yet, but judging by his expression he definitely wanted it to be. 

“Hey, fishface or whatever your name was!” 

Fisher looked over. “It’s Fisher.” 

“Yeah, I don’t care. He’s taken. Got it? Flirt with him again and I’ll make sure that you won’t have any fingers left to touch anyone. I’m thinking of feeding them to some fish, but I’m open to suggestions.” 

Hera squeaked and pushed against his back. “Okay, you need to get out of here now.” 

He glared at her. “Hera.” 

She glared back, though there was fear in her eyes. “Kepler. Go. Before you murder somebody and I’m scarred for life by the sight of you ripping his head off or whatever you do to people who hit on your boyfriend.” 

Jacobi sighed and grabbed Kepler’s arm. “I’ve got this, Hera. And it’s cutting off their fingers and feeding them to aquatic animals, weren’t you listening?” 

_ “Go.”  _

* * *

“Minkowski!”

Minkowski looked up from her list to see Lovelace beaming at her over the counter. 

They'd been spending more and more time together, but Minkowski hadn't realized Lovelace worked at  _ this  _ Party City. 

“What are you doing here?” Lovelace asked.”

Minkowski held up her copy of the list.

“It’s Hera’s roommates’ birthday.” 

“Ah.” Lovelace said. “You need help finding anything?”

* * *

 

The second Kepler and Jacobi had turned the corner, Hera turned to Fisher in a panic. “You need to get me into the back.” 

“What?” he stared at her, confused. 

“The basket of balloons that Fourier and Hui took. My boyfriend was in them.” 

“Wait, why was your boyfriend in a basket of balloons?” 

“He was hiding from that insane freak who just threatened you, why do you think?” 

“Yeah, I don’t blame him for that,” Fisher said. “Come on.” 

He lead her towards the back of the store. Before they got there though, Eiffel came rushing towards them and scooped her up in a hug. “Hera! Are you okay?” 

She buried her face in his neck. He smelled more like balloons and less like pizza and ice cream, which was the typical Doug Eiffel smell. “Yeah, I’m fine. I was worried about you, how’d you get out of there?"

“I just popped out as soon as I couldn’t hear you four anymore. Fourier and Hui were very confused, but- Mm, I was so worried about you!” He set her down gently on the ground. 

“I was fine. Kepler figured out where you were, but I distracted him with Fisher.” 

“Wait, you were responsible for that psychopath threatening me?” Fisher said. 

“You were the one who flirted with his boyfriend,” she pointed out. 

“I didn’t know that was his boyfriend!” 

“Really?” Eiffel said. “They basically can’t keep their hands off each other.” 

“Look who’s talking. You two are acting like he’s been away at war when all that happened was what? He was in a basket of balloons for five minutes?” 

“We’re in love, it’s cute,” Eiffel said. 

Hera nodded. “We’re adorable.” 

Fisher rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he said before walking off. 

Hera took Eiffel’s hand and rested her head on his shoulder. “I missed you.” 

He kissed the top of her head. She hummed happily. “I missed you too. Has Minkowski come looking for us yet?” 

“Not that I’ve seen. We should probably hurry up and get the stuff we need though.” 

“Stick to the list though, remember?” Eiffel said in his best Minkowski impression. 

Hera laughed. “I think we might need to expand the list to include Kepler and Jacobi’s stuff now too. I got the feeling that murder might be the only item on the list if they came back here.” 

“Alright but we’re telling her that expanding the list was your idea. I don’t want her lecturing me the whole way home.” 

“Don’t be silly. She wouldn’t do that.” 

“Have you  _ met _ Minkowski?” 

“Yes. And that’s why I can say with absolute certainty that it would be all night, not just on the way home.” 

Eiffel stopped.  “Minkowski!”

“What about her?” Hera said.

Eiffel pointed to the registers.

“She is currently getting chatted up by Lovelace. Oh my god, my roommates are about to pull a Han and Leia and start sleeping together. Oh my god, I’m the Luke Skywalker in this situation! I’m Luke Skywalker!”

Hera gently tugged his arm.    


“Let’s leave them alone for now.”

* * *

Lovelace was just taking note of how Minkowski slightly wrinkled her nose when she laughed when the door chimed and Lambert walked in.

“Lambert!” 

“Isabel,” he said, shaking her hand. 

“Don't be so formal Lambert, it's just us here.”

“And a customer,” he said. 

“Renee Minkowski,” she said, holding out her hand. 

Lambert’s whole demeanor changed. 

“Oh,  _ the  _ Renee Minkowski. Isabel has told me all about you.”

Minkowski gave a slightly uncomfortable laugh. 

“All good things, of course.”

Lovelace shot him a look and he grinned back. 

“Alright kids, I need to go check the inventory, but don't stop on my account.” He moved behind the counter and clapped Lovelace on the shoulder, before leaning in and loudly whispering “have fun use protection!” 

Lovelace flipped him off as he walked in the back, laughing to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More gay shit can be found on tumblr @whoopsiedaisiedoo and @pillowcreeks

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone! do you like aus? do you like gay shit? this is for you! next chapter coming... at some point.
> 
> hit us up @whoopsiedaisiedoo and @pillowcreeks on tumblr for more gay shit!


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